Wesley-1 Month Old

Can't believe it's been a month since Wes was born.  He is getting chubby and even smiling on occasion.  He still HATES to get his diaper changed but he doesn't cry quite as hard as he used to.  Wesley loves baths, nursing, being on his tummy, and being held--a lot.  And we do hold him a lot because having him is a little miracle to us that we can't stop adoring him and cuddling him.  It is strange what a different person I am from the one I was when I had my first baby.  I still have lots of anxiety and fear for him but it's so different and based on so much more experience.  I feel like a deeper more serene person and it's made having this baby a richer amazing experience.  I think I am living more in the moment and treasuring it.  Mindfulness.  I feel so blessed and yet having Wesley has made me miss Iris and my mom a little more.  I think it has made me realize how much I missed out on with Iris and it makes me sad to think Wesley will never be babysat, held, or cuddled by my mom.  She was really good with babies and helped me calm down with all my fears that come up with a vulnerable newborn.  John went out of town for a week for work and that's when I had a major breakdown and was really missing my mom.  She is just the one that made sure we were always okay when he was gone--having us over for dinner, sleepovers, and just hanging out and chatting with her made me feel not so alone with my 3 kids.  John's mom, fortunately, was able to stay with us for the week he was gone and that saved me.  She was so great to keep us company while he was gone--having her around at nights and on the weekend kept me sane--plus we got to have fried green tomatoes for the first time.  :)  I am so glad my kids and Wesley got to have lots of time with Nana.  Back to feeling blessed.  My grief will continue over the years but I am grateful I can mostly feel peace and joy.  This baby has definitely brought us a lot of joy.  Happy one month!  Didn't mean to go on so long...